


it’s him, but not really

by fandom_fae



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, you can decide whether you want to interpret this as romantic or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 09:16:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21033908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_fae/pseuds/fandom_fae
Summary: Ryuzaki is Light’s friend, but L is Kira’s enemy.





	it’s him, but not really

"Light-kun is Kira. That would be the easiest way to put it, don’t you think?"

"Yeah, I guess. Why do you ask, Ryuzaki?"

"Because it’s a simple thing to say, but it’s not enough. That statement is too vague."

"How?"

"It’s claiming that Light-kun and Kira are one and the same, which, at least physically, they are."

"Then I don’t see what problem you have with this."

"Light-kun and Kira are the same person. They’re in the same body, and they have the same soul. But they’re not one. Light-kun is similar to Kira, but he isn’t the same as Kira. Light-kun is nothing but Kira’s creator."

"I don’t get what you mean."

"I mean, that Light-kun and Kira aren’t yet one and the same. We could lose Light-kun to Kira, but we could also save him."

"Save him from himself?"

"Yes. Save him from Kira. Once Kira breaks through, Light-kun will be lost forever. He’d be... dead, one could say. Kira would have taken over, Kira would have killed him."

"So.. Kira would’ve killed his creator?"

"I suppose you can say that. ...Yes."

Ryuzaki nodded, forcing a small smile before he turned around, and left the room.

"So Light is Kira, but they aren’t one and the same? Pfff. Ryuzaki is getting more, and more illogical as each day passes..." Matsuda laughed quietly to himself, before leaving the room as well.

L didn’t want to admit it, but he almost wished he could seperate Kira from Light. He had nothing against Light, maybe he liked him even, but he wasn’t sure. Not in the slightest. But Kira, on the other hand, he hated. There was no question to be answered by L anymore. The only thing he didn’t already know about this case was whether he’d even be able to let Light be caught. He knew he didn’t want Light to be executed, but he was also sure that if he was going to prove who Kira really is, there’d be no other way.

L didn’t want Light’s death. Actually, he was dreading the day it’d come. It was inevitable, though.

L knew that, eventually, Kira would take over completely, and Light would be lost. L wanted to save Light, save him from himself, but Kira just wasn’t playing by the rules. What rules? L didn’t exactly know.

L shook his head, he really needed to get his mind off this. He started working on a different case, trying his best to focus. It took him longer than normal, but he solved the case as usual.

L suddenly became more aware of his surroundings after he’d finished that case. He heard steps, they were approaching the door. The door handle clicked, someone entered the room. L didn’t turn around to look, he knew who it was.

L just turned farther away from this person.

“Ryuzaki, it’s late already. Don’t you think you should go to bed soon?” The voice sounded fake, masked, like an act, as usual. But this time, it also sounded arrogant, and kind of derogatory, but just slightly.

“Yes, I suppose I should, Light-kun,” L sounded saddened when he spoke. Everything was a dilemma, and L wasn’t too good at hiding his discomfort anymore, not around Light at least. L knew that Light would just find out anyway, so he didn’t really bother to try to conceal anything any longer.

L stood up, and finally turned around to face Light. Light’s face looked as cold as always, but it seemed as if he was trying to look, well, genuinely caring. That didn’t work, not for L at least. L sighed as he stood up.

“Light-kun... Is it exhausting?”

“Is what exhausting?”

“Constantly putting up an act around everyone.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

L didn’t react to Light’s comment. He stepped forward, and did something not even Light could have anticipated, because even L didn’t know he was going to do that. He hugged Light. He buried his face into his chest.

They just stood there like that for a moment, before Light tried to pull away. Only for L to hold him tighter. He was holding onto Light for dear life, like he’d vanish into thin air at any moment. Like he’d be gone forever the second L let go.

Light silently accepted it.

He genuinely had no idea why L was doing this, or what he wanted to achieve, but he didn’t see the harm in a simple hug. Eventually, he rested his head on top of L’s, and hugged him back. He wasn’t sure why he did that either.

After a few more moments, he noticed that L was crying. Light was shocked. He let go, and tried to pull away again. He kind of succeeded, but L was still clinging onto his shirt.

Light didn’t know if he should feel bad for him. He sighed, and began holding L again. But this time, he held him loosely, softley, like he was fragile, and needed to be handled with care.

...Maybe he was actually fragile right now.

They stood still like this, for at least half an hour. Maybe less time, maybe more... Neither of them had kept track of time. All they knew was the moment.

Light almost began feeling bad about what he knew was going to happen soon. Ryuzaki is Light’s friend, but L is Kira’s enemy.Technically L, and Ryuzaki are the same, just like Light, and Kira are, but there is so much more to it than that. It just wasn’t this simple.

Light sighed. He finally let go of him. They stared at each other, their unspoken conversation kept unfolding. L’s eyes were red from his tears. 

What’s he even so sad about? His friend didn’t plan on killing him, Light-kun would never do such a thing. But Kira is different, Kira would do it with a smile on his face.

L’s heart hurt. What are these feelings? What are they supposed to mean anyway?

A few hours had passed, the’d both gone to bed.

Light didn’t know if L was already asleep.

He looked to his left. There was no one.

He was alone.

Light had gotten used to sleeping in the same room as L during the few months they were chained together. Technically, they had actually slept in the same bed, but Light had always fallen asleep before L, so he wasn’t even sure if L didn’t just sleep at his desk. It didn’t matter anymore anyway.

That time was over. Light couldn’t sleep.

He almost felt ...lonely..? Light didn’t quite know what it was, but maybe the sound of L typing away throughout the night were missing. The sounds that previously kept him awake by being so obnoxious, now wouldn’t let him sleep because they were missing. Or maybe the reason he’s still awake was something else altogether.

He sighed. He was staring at the ceiling, thinking. Planning. Questioning.

“Should I even go through with this plan? Do I ... still want to see him ... die..?” Light had no idea what he was supposed to do.

Eventually, Light drifted off into a dreamless sleep. L wasn’t quite as lucky.

It didn’t take L particularly long to fall asleep. Surprisingly, when he fell asleep had a dream, more like, a nightmare. He kept dreaming about holding Light close, and then—! He didn’t know how to describe what happened then. He’d look into Light’s eyes, and his life left him. He also saw the Shinigami in the background.

Lhad never had a psychic dream, and he hoped that wouldn’t change. He didn’t want this to happen. He had no idea what to do.

His nightmare kept repeating itself throughout the entire night, until he woke up.

And the first thing he saw, were Light’s eyes. Just this time, they weren’t his demise. He smiled.

“Light..? What are you...”, he paused to yawn, “...doing here?”

“Nothing, really..”

Light couldn’t answer his question, because he didn’t know the answer either.

He smiled at L. L smiled back.

.

.

.

Rem didn’t die that day.


End file.
